Had a lovely evening and morning with the Doctor. We went to watch a band that he likes perform in a town nearby. It was a whole heck of a lot of teenagers, and we were among the few people not in their early twenties or teens. I definitely felt like an old fogey, especially right around 1 AM when all I wanted to do was go to bed, lol. Then to sleep, then lovely morning sex, then he made me some delicious French toast. It was the first morning we’ve spent together where someone wasn’t having to run off to some thing. Leisurely mornings are nice…
Also, hey, we’re now using the terms “girlfriend” and “boyfriend!” How ’bout that. Put a label on it. (You know, like, “put a bird on it,” but with labels.) And we stopped using condoms this week (although really, it depends on the reliability with which I am going to be taking my oral contraceptives) (also, anal without having to deal with a latex condom = so much awesome).* And you know what’s the funniest thing about this? This is the most “normal” (whatever the fuck that means) relationship I’ve ever had, yes, even when you count in the kink and awesome sex stuff and the non-monogamy. Says something about the past relationships I’ve had…
Things I’ve been reading lately:
- The Good Men Project, a website devoted to “fostering a national discussion centered around modern manhood and the question, ‘What does it mean to be a good man?’” I’m finding this fascinating and interesting and, when I get too down about masculinity gone wrong, it’s refreshing to read posts from guys who get it.
- A recent post from The Good Men Project: “Keep it Civil: 10 Ways to Tactfully End a Relationship.” This has nothing to do with what I wrote about above, and everything to do with the past few years in my dating life. It doesn’t matter how good the relationship prior to the end was, I’ve found that if the breaking up is done poorly, it really ruins any thing that was good between the two people. Breaking up with civility and grace and class and mutual respect is crucial. I really think this is something that our modern American culture sucks at teaching. In movies and shows and books and splashed all over the Internet, vindictive behavior and lashing out at the former beloved is expected behavior, and that’s extremely unfortunate. One of the lessons I’ve learned especially well from the past few years is how not to break up with someone.
- “The Sexcalator,” from The Pervocracy addresses a misconception I myself have had about “the escalating process”: that doing increasingly kinky things is an escalator, and “will make you build up a tolerance, and then “normal” sex won’t get you high any more.” Hey, that’s reassuring. And thinking about things with the Doctor, it’s true that even when nothing particularly kinky is going on, it’s still pretty fucking awesome sex.
A final thought to get y’all hot and tingly: One of my favorite memories from last night is when, in the middle of the crowded floor, the Doctor gently placed his hand on my throat in what an onlooker might mistake as an affectionate gesture and kissed me. But meanwhile, his hand tightened on my throat, and for all it was a small gesture, it was as powerful as when he would choke me when it’s just the two of us – even more powerful, in fact, because he did this while everyone else around us was completely unaware.
*Yes, I threw in a double parens there. The topic warranted multiple asides.